In my 35 years as a police officer, I responded to hundreds, perhaps thousands, of domestic violence calls. Over the years I began to notice common denominators in these situations.
Here are 5 LIES I have seen women believe that kept them in their violent situation. I know that “lies” is a strong word, but that is precisely what they are. Men have found a way down through the centuries to exercise great power over people - especially women - by “the power of the lie.”
It is not my intent to make you feel bad in the following points that will be made. However, you can be on your way to being helped and to a better life if you can SEE the lies that you have believed that have kept you in this abusive situation you’re presently in.
Your abuser has manipulated and deceived you - but you can break that hold he (or she) has on you and begin a new life. Let’s look at the lies you may have fallen prey to.
1- MY HUSBAND (boyfriend, or whoever is abusing you) IS MY FINANCIAL SUPPORT. IF I LEAVE, I WON’T BE ABLE TO SUPPORT MYSELF.
Yes, it will be difficult if you leave; Yes, you will have hard times. Yes - making it financially will be tough: but you can do it! Many women down through the years have had to do it, and they did. You have as much courage and determination as they did. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and there are many resources out there that can, and will, assist you.
2. IF I LEAVE, IT WILL HURT THE KIDS.
Yes, there will be some pain for the children. But the pain they are enduring while watching their mother get hit is far worse. Furthermore, if you stay and keep taking the blows, you are teaching your children that violence against women is acceptable. It is a known fact that many male children who observe violence grow up and repeat what they have seen - they become the next generation of abusive men.
3- I AM DETERMINED TO HELP MY HUSBAND (ABUSER) CHANGE.
I have witnessed this more times than I can remember in my years as a cop. I am not saying that it is impossible; but I am saying it is very seldom - hardly ever - that a woman changes her husband.
However, if you flee your abuser, you are putting him in a position to face what he is doing wrong; that hitting you is a terrible and wicked thing to do. Research has shown that men whose wife leaves them due to abuse, often seek help.
4- DIVORCE, OR LEAVING MY HUSBAND, IS A SIN.
Some churches are terrible at making people, especially women, feel bad. If your church, or your pastor, tells you to stay in a violent and abusive situation - find another church! They probably wouldn’t feel that way if THEY were the one being hit on day and night. The Bible says “The Lord...hates the man who loves violence.” God is not asking you to stay in this terrible situation. He is your Heavenly Father who is passionately in love with you, who is determined to help you: And has arranged for you to be reading these words right now!
5- IT’S MY FAULT THAT HE HITS ME. I KNOW I AGGRAVATE HIM.
This is one of the biggest lies women believe. Does he allow you to hit him when HE aggravates you? Of course not! This is a way of thinking that you have slowly come to believe. But you must silence this deadly thought. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ANGER. Besides, the law does not allow someone to assault another in response to words alone. You must stop believing this. And you must face WHY HE GETS ANGRY: He gets angry because he does not get his way! Period.
There may be one more lie you are believing that keeps you in this violent situation. You may, deep down inside, be plagued by an utter sense of worthlessness. By that I mean you may actually have allowed yourself to come to a point where you believe that you don’t deserve any better than what you presently have; that you are not worthy of a better man. THIS IS A LIE! The truth is, sister, he is not worthy of you. You are a Queen; he is a pauper. Get him out of your castle!
